bard4life

bard4life @ 2005-02-17T18:55:00

2005-02-18T00:07:05Z

well life pretty much sucks. but when has that ever been new news? i am currently back on the streets again. i got kicked out of the place i was staying. then my gf broke up with me. and now i cant find damion, who is supposed to be staying with me tonight (though no clue as to where we'd be staying). plus i have to be at work at 7 tomorrow morning. oh and my ex got dcf called on her today. yep it's definitely back to the good old life blows routine. least its something i'm used to. oh and to all those i kinda lost contact with, sorry. i wasn't mad at you or any thing. i was just really distracted and busy. send me an email and i'll respond. oh yeah, somehow i'm blocked out of my own neopets account. now i can't even play games to keep myself distracted from my situation. well i'll check up on this tomorrow. now it's time to try to find some place to sleep for a bit.

bard4life @ 2005-02-02T10:49:00

2005-02-02T15:50:08Z

hey whoever changed my background please change it back. and next time ask first. i had it the way i liked

bard4life @ 2004-12-23T10:48:00

2004-12-23T15:58:26Z

life sucks. thats all i can think about latly. i suck at relationships. i end up pissing everybody i know off. or hurting them. i think i should just dissapar. that or just become a recluse. i always end up in trouble when i'm around other people. and when i'm not i still mannage to get in trouble. like i said befor: life sucks.

bard4life @ 2004-12-01T15:06:00

2004-12-01T21:01:36Z

well i think it's time to start getting myself out of the funk i'm in. so i'm gonna check out the covenant house tomarrow. so what if that means i wont be able to start working as soon. right now i need a roof over my head more then a job.

life hasn't gotten any easier. well i guess it good to know some things never change. i think i should thank my bitch of a mom for putting me through all those programs over the years. true it meant i was raised by strangers most the time but without what i learned in them and how strong i became through them i think i would have giving up long ago.

the only thing i cant figure out in life is relationships. i'm just not good at them. never have been. weather its a gf, friend, or family member. most the people i associate with arn't really friends, just people i know. i seem to attract a lot of those kinds of people. family i just ruined. my mom always sending me off when i start acting up until she just cant handle me any more and finds theres nothing else she can do but kick me out. my little sister goes between hating me or just not caring what i do. and thats only when she isn't pretending i don't exist. all my other relatives live on the other side of the country so i haven't been able to roaly screw those up that much. hell even my grandma who i'm closer to then anyone else has trouble living with me. then there's those few real friends i had when my life made sense. what happened to them? let's see: one pregnant and totally ignoring the fact that i would do anything in my power to help her if she just let me know where she was and actually talk to me. this wouldn't be as bad if she didn't know i was wanting to talk to her and see how i could help, but she does and still nothing. then there's april (i'm not even gonna get into that right now). and then theres my gf. god i love her but still i start fucking things up. always wanting more, never satisfied. starting arguments or being passive aggressive becase.... i don;t even know exactly why most the time. i think i just can't let myself be happy. it makes sense since the last time i was truly happy was in the middle school. then i turned numb. now i just don't care about most things and those things i do care about i mess up.

anyways i just finished catching up on my friends live journals. well mostly anyway. trippy just so you know being a loner ain't all that bad. hell look at me. i'm a loner and... yeah that might be a bad example considering what just wrote. oh well you'll think of something. your not truly as dumb as people think =). Yas i love you more then i can say. i just don't communicate that well. never have. i hope things will work out between us somehow.

well i'm about to get kicked off this comp. so i gotta get.

bard4life @ 2004-11-30T20:14:00

2004-11-30T01:25:55Z

life still sucks. i'm still homeless. but i might have a job soon so things are looking up. to those who think i hate them, i don't. you know who you two are. life's just weird right now. and that makes me act a little weird. i hate life.

bard4life @ 2004-11-10T15:33:00

2004-11-10T20:52:06Z

alright life sucks. now not only am i homeless with no chanch of being able to go back thanks to my fucking mom but my bike is also messed up. i sure hope i can fix it by myself. i just got this bike last thursday and if i have to pay to fix it i wouldn't be able to cuz of my job situation. and thats a whole 'nother problem. i'm supposed to work once a week at my old publix job but the boss never put me on the schedule. then i am supposed to have an interview an the kb toys in the mall. that hasn't happend yet. last but mot least i still need to find out wheather or not i got the job at the movie theater. damm i hate life. if it wassnt for the fact that smallvills on tonight i would go commit suicide. thank god for super heros. maybe i'll do it tomarrow or the next day...or the next, who knows. life cant get any worse can it? if it can please don't tell me or i'm gonna go phyco and kill everybody who bothers me. starting with my bitch of a mom. then my gf's mom. then some other people. and i'd end it all by doing myself in. wonder when (when not if) i'll do it? oh well it will happen when it happens.

bard4life @ 2004-11-09T20:37:00

2004-11-10T01:55:45Z

soory its been so long since my last update but i've been kiked out of my house and am now homeless. what the point of posting that here is i dont know since the only people who i know read this already know about it. any how i'm currently home getting a few things and talking with my mom. turns out that theres no way in hell shell let me live here again. i even asked nicely. the bitch kicks me out, naggs me about when i can get my stuff out of here (knowing i don't have a place to stay) and i am still able to ask her REALLY nicely. and what does she say? "No, but i can give you a ride to the covenent house." if i wanted to go there i could get there myself. i'm actuly considering it. the problem is it's location and the fact that i have to stay inside for a few weeks. cant do that at the moment. plus my works out here and i dont how that situations gonna turn out. well i wish i could rant on and on but my mom wants me out of here before to long.

bard4life @ 2004-11-03T23:28:00

2004-11-04T04:37:41Z

holy shit. i came home today and my mom had taken the speakers to my stereo and all my guns. thats fucked up. she left me a note saying that it was because of a violation she received. says i can get the stuff when we talk. but she wants to talk about my plans to move out. this really sux. fuck i'm screwed any way. shit.

bard4life @ 2004-10-30T13:08:00

2004-10-30T17:09:43Z

Living
I’ve been many people
But always I’ve been me
The person I am now
Is not the person I use to be

I’ve faced the trials of life
Learned from pain and sorrow
Come to better know myself
And look forward to a better tomorrow

I’ve lived and loved a little
And grown and matured a lot
Come to realize what’s important
And thank god for the things I got

I’ve found love and friendship
And learned about pride and respect
I’ve learned an important lesson:
To take every chance you get

I’ve learned passion and beauty
Are things that will eventually fade
And the things that really matter
Lie in the choices you’ve made

I’ve thought long and hard
Remembering my misgivings
And have come to this conclusion:
You make your life worth living

bard4life @ 2004-10-29T11:58:00

2004-10-29T16:30:25Z

why do my friends always get me in trouble. Matt's been leaching off me for the past week. he's always here and that pisses my mom off to the point where i'm about to be kicked out. he starts trouble with all the people i know and he's a kelepto(think thats the right spelling). that normally wouldn't be a problem but he does it to people i know and they come to me. then there's harrison. he's not that much trouble but he does have his moments. like when he said he knew a place to go where we could shoot our bb guns and he takes us to a place on a collage campus. it was deserted and right near the road, but the cops still got called. i need to find less problematic friends. and funny how it takes almost getting shot last night because a gang didn't like the fact that matt was wearing a pink bandanna to make me realize this. oh well off to my last two days at work.

bard4life @ 2004-10-28T10:00:00

2004-10-28T14:14:42Z

yesterday was fun. i hung out with some friends, shot off some bb guns, got stopped by the cops, shot myself in the hand point blank with my co2 gun, saved my friends relationship, went to boarders, hung with my gf, had a cool conversation on the bus, then i got kidnapped. all in all i';d say that it was a full day.

i just realized how much i hate bills. sux to know that this is how my mom felt alot. i get payed today but already i cant use 150 of it. thats basically my whole check right there. why does it always seem that when your young and need money its always there and the exact opposite latter in life? i hate bills. unfortunately i have to go pay them. gggrrrrrrrrrrr gotta go give up my money

bard4life @ 2004-10-27T02:07:00

2004-10-27T06:33:37Z

irony abounds in my life. i have the potential to be anything i want. problem is that i'm not motivated to do anything. i have opportunities that i'll never take because of the restraints they'd put on me. i'm intelligent and yet i'm not going to collage. i'm a friendly person, ask anyone who knows me. yet i have trouble letting people get close. plus i have obscure views on relationships due to the fact that every person i'e ever cared for (with the exception of my grandma) has hurt me. couple that with the fact that i really never feel anything but numb and you have messed up person. my present life is adrift on a sea of uncertainty. my past is a string of pain and regret. and i have blurred visions of my future. it seems that every time i think my life's coming together i find out that it's actual falling apart. why cant life be the way it was: simple and carefree? i honestly believe i was born to late. that i should have lived 40-50 years ago.then i might have been happy. guess i'll never know.

bard4life @ 2004-10-24T21:40:00

2004-10-25T01:48:12Z

i'm happy. i'm feeling better and i got off work early. i'm chatting with a friend i havn't seen in forever. life is good. no scratch that life's freaking great right now. now ot go have fun.

bard4life @ 2004-10-24T10:11:00

2004-10-24T14:15:33Z

i'm still sick. and i work today. this really sux. however i am felling a little better then i was felling. plus i need the money. i'm trying to save up for a cycle. but thats gonna take a while. i dont mind though. just as long as i can actually save the money. well i'm off to get ready for work.

bard4life @ 2004-10-23T22:57:00

2004-10-24T03:09:18Z

wow i have no life. it's Saturday and ive been home all day on the computer. yeah i'm sick but that never really stoped me b4. i must be really out of it to not even consider going to the mall. definitely got no life. oh well. i'll just go read comics.

bard4life @ 2004-10-23T12:44:00

2004-10-23T16:49:19Z

grrrr i'm still sick. this sucks. but i get to stay home from work. its a compromise i guess. well nothing else is new so i'm gonna go play games see ya

bard4life @ 2004-10-22T22:57:00

2004-10-23T03:04:52Z

god i hate being sick. i'm all congested and tired. And i had to work today. my throat hurts and i cant think or breath. damn i hate felling like this. and i hate work. i have to work the swing sift so i start anywhere from 12-4 and end anywhere from 8-11. it really sucks. i need to look harder for a new job. preferably one that allows me to have a life after work as opposed to this one where when i get off everything is closed.

bard4life @ 2004-10-22T01:21:00

2004-10-22T05:29:13Z

my friends have finally bugged me enough about this so i'm starting a journal. to all you who annoyed me, are you finally happy? if your not then go swallow gum. well its late and i'm tired. just didnt want to be nagged tomorrow. now its off to bed.